I'm turning 23 on Saturday. I don't want to turn 23. However, Rob is sweetening the deal by planning the day to distract me from the fact that I'm another year closer to an old-and-wrinkly Sophia. I look forward to it.

My birthday also succeeds in reminding me of the things I haven't accomplished at this point in my life. Depressing, I know. Most of the people in my high school class that went to college have graduated by now. It's still a bit of a sensitive topic for me to tell people that I'm continuing to work towards my BA, even though I know there are many other people in the same boat as I. It's especially disturbing when people let me know that I look older than I am (average estimate is 25). That is NOT something an Asian girl likes to hear. My married cousin who happens to be younger than me did not seem to fully understand why I don't plan to marry immediately. To other people who are observing me from the outside I may look like the turtle trying to crawl towards the finish line and to them it may seem like a failing attempt since I haven't made it there just yet.

On the inside, I know that I did the best I could from what life has dealt to me thus far. In the last year, I managed to keep my family together. I convinced my dad that my brother should go to SJSU and get an education instead of joining the army. I managed to get into UCLA and actually haul my ass over there to get my own education. I managed to meet and keep a boyfriend who loves me and thinks the world of me. I managed to keep myself disciplined and study, to the detriment of my social life. My grades were better than I had expected this quarter and I hope to continue this trend in the following quarters.

What annoys me is that when other people believe that I should be at a certain place in my life then it would cause me to believe it too. I also dislike when people think that I should work and go to school. I think that everyone is different and some people can handle both and succeed in both. As for me as an individual, I found out when I was going to De Anza and working at AS that I can't do it without sacrificing my grades. If all I'm after is a BA then that's fine, but I'm looking to have the option of going into professional or graduate school. In a world of fast-paced overacheivers, I can only go the pace I was born with and would be the most effective.

Every time my birthday comes around, it produces more reasons for others to question how I'm living my life. They wonder why I choose to put emphasis on certain areas and not others. Um, because I find them to be the most important perhaps? Right now, I'm doing things so that I can prove to myself that I can do it, not to impress others or fulfill their expectations of me. As a result, I am much happier and satisfied with myself then I ever was.