Skeptickle

Besides our immediate families, Rob and I each had special guests flying in from the other side of the States just to be with us on our special day. My guests included my aunt M (my mother’s younger sister), cousin D, and his gf R. I had not seen my aunt and cousin in over 10 years and I was overwhelmed with the excitement of seeing them again. They flew in a day earlier than the other out-of-towners so I was able to take them to SF and show them around.

Aren't they the cutest??

Speaking of out of town guests, check out the stash of goodies I accumulated for our OOT baskets/bags:

We had these delivered to their hotel rooms so they had a nice surprise when they checked in.

Rob’s cousin B, whom he had not seen since his own wedding, flew in with his wife on Thursday. I had talked to B a few times over the phone but this was the first time that I had met him in person. B was in seminary at the time so he couldn’t legally officiate at weddings yet, but we made arrangements with our county for him to be our civil officiant. Rob was thrilled to have someone close to him officiate our union and B made sure to put some unique touches to our ceremony to make it more personal.

On Friday, MOH, I and MOH’s bf were running late from our nail appointments. We had no time to change into our rehearsal gear so we booked it to the venue in our regular clothes. We actually arrived around the same time as most of the others so it wasn’t too bad. Cousin B directed us through the rehearsal with some helpful suggestions from Brooke. I can’t tell you how glad I was to be able to run through the ceremony a few times the day before the wedding. I think that the run-throughs really helped prepare myself (and others) mentally and emotionally for this big event. My MOH and I were able to quickly change into our rehearsal dinner garments on the way to the rehearsal dinner at my bridesman’s apartment.

As previously mentioned here, we had prepaid credit at the Stanford Park Hotel for our rehearsal dinner because of our nonrefundable deposit. They did a great job with everything: perfect service, fantastic food (thanks to the new chef!), and the private room that we ate in was elegant and classy. Christine was unintrusive while she managed everything behind-the-scenes. I appreciated how she would pop in once in awhile to check on us. My favorite part of the rehearsal dinner was when everyone went around and spoke about how they knew/met us. Some people added extras like what we mean to them and their wishes for our future, which was so touching that I cried the ugly cry a few times. The most memorable for me were my brother’s and my bridesman’s speeches. Sorry, I was too distracted to take any pictures at the rehearsal but I did manage to take a few pictures of the rehearsal dinner:

The Guys.

Desserts! Those little French macaroons were delish.

Us and my family.

My beautiful aunt.

This was part of another message to my attendants that I’d like to share:

“So I was stalking my favorite wedding blogs when I came across this
video of a great cinematography company’s work.

Elysium Productions Sample Video (via Style Me Pretty)

{Click the link and then watch the video. It’s totally worth it!}

**Update** Turns out my idea was enthusiastically received by no one. I should’ve made it a powerpoint presentation, complete with graphs, charts, projections, etc. Then they would’ve seen the error in their ways. However, the video was well-received and it continues to be the best wedding video I’ve ever seen. I still tear up when watching it and I think the choice in music is superb (my favorite is the Chaiyya Chaiyya song!).

my mother lost her battle with cancer. She was very young, only 47 years old, when she died. Most people don’t have to deal with bereavement and grief for a loved one until much later in their lives. I had to deal with this loss since I was 17. To me, it feels like a phantom limb. Each special occasion, each family gathering, is somehow lessor because she isn’t there. This was especially true at our wedding. So to honor her during the ceremony, my brother carried with him a single peony-rose when it was his turn to walk down the aisle and placed it on the seat where she was supposed to sit if she were with us.

A mother is she who can take the place of all others but whose place no one else can take. -Cardinal Mermillod

Everyone deals with grief from losing a mother differently. My brother shut down emotionally for six of the past eight years. He would either be emotionally cold towards me or he’d be lashing out angrily for the smallest of infractions. He didn’t even want me to mention her until two years ago. Didn’t want to think about it. He seems to be doing much better now that he had worked through those issues. Our relationship is much less strained because of it.

I dealt with it in an almost opposite way. I felt it was my responsibility to be the strong one of our family even though I was at my most vulnerable. I wanted to talk about it and work through it as much as possible. I wanted to remember her. Nothing’s more difficult than to have to accept the fact that such a disease is stronger than the strongest person I’ve ever known. It changes one’s entire world-view. I used to think certain people were invincible. Like, cancer to them would be akin to removing a mole or something. A minor inconvenience, but then we can go back to living our lives. I think all the cancer survival shows somehow convinced me of that. My naiveté still astounds me. It’s not like the cancer cells were thinking “oooh, you’re an especially tough one! I think we’ll leave you be.”  There is no discrimination in that situation. The ripples of that realization still affect everything I do and think.

There were positives that came from the experience. I value the time I spend with people I care about a lot more. I take them more seriously. I ended being stronger, more mature, and more introspective than those my age. I no longer let petty dramas into my life. I’d rather spend that time learning more, loving more, and relating to my fellow human beings. I registered to be an organ donor and a bone marrow donor. If I could give a second chance at life to someone else without taking much out of mine then why the heck not?

There is so little time. We are all given once chance to live this life well. Even if you believed in an afterlife, why be apathetic to the here and now?

{Feel free to click on the images for the complete image and their descriptions}

R.I.P. Heath. You did great work and we will surely miss it.