Skeptickle

After we got engaged, Rob and I set goals for our wedding so that we can keep it real when things get crazy or uncontrollable. Getting married is an obvious goal so I’m not going to mention it on our list. After all, we planned on getting married whether or not we were going to have a wedding. 

Our top three goals for our wedding were as follows:

1. Make sure this wedding is truly about us first and reflect us as a couple. 

2. Say our “I do’s” at Nestldown.

3. Stay within budget.

Goal #1: Make sure this wedding is truly about us and reflect us accurately as a couple. 

There nothing like a wedding that runs away from what the the bride and groom actually wants. Say what you will about the Sex and the City Movie, I think there’s still a lesson to be learned there. Carrie and Mr. Big were just fine planning a simple courthouse wedding. That was more “them”. But then other people got excited about their special day and projected their wants and desires into the plans. Carrie found it hard to put her foot down and firmly refuse everyone that contributed to this growing accumulation of obligations. It very quickly got out of control and she realized too late that all that time she spent on making other people happy should have gone into making her and Mr. Big happy. 

For the longest time, I had to grapple with what it meant to be a “good” bride. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to act given this new role. I certainly did not want to be a bridezilla. However, on further reflection, I probably should have been more assertive with my needs and wants. I think that when the term bridezilla was first coined, it specifically meant a control-freak bride that becomes emotionally out of control and terrorizes those around her. Now I think the word is abused to the point where any female that wishes to have certain requirements met for her wedding can be called bridezilla. I don’t doubt that there are actual bridezillas out there (I’ve heard stories that sound pretty crazy!), but I don’t think it should be used to undermine anyone who wishes to get what they pay for.

There are hundreds of goods and services that require certain expectations and standards to be met, so why is our society making an exception for weddings? When you buy a luxury car at a dealership and a week later the bumper falls off, you’re going to go right back to the dealership and complain. You’re not going to accept excuses by the dealership to weasel their way out of paying for a replacement. You’re not going to hear others convince you that “oh, it’s just a car” and “you don’t really need a luxury car bumper”.  You’re going to get a replacement because that’s the right thing for the dealership to do and other people will sympathize with you instead of minimizing your misfortune. 

A wedding is not just about the bride and groom but also about the joining of family and friends and their giving of support. Our goal was to make sure we’re making decisions for us and not to be swayed by outside opinions that don’t reflect us as a couple. We acknowledged and respected advice from other people but in the end we had to ask ourselves “Do we really want this? Are we letting potential guilt decide for us?”. Rob was very involved in the wedding planning compared to other grooms out there. I am extremely thankful of this fact. It made sense though, it’s his wedding too. The biggest satisfaction came from knowing that we pulled it off together and that our wedding day was absolutely magical because of it.